Bren

                                                                                                                                                                                    (Photo Edited by Caitlyn Chelsen) There is an unspoken stigma tied to women who are open about their sexuality and the amount of partners they’ve had in their lives. They’re usually categorized as sluts, “easy” , or unable to find love. ...

Photo: Taken by Brenda Nieves   I look into the space and find myself jumping into memories. It feels like a dance I’ve danced before... ...a song I’ve heard before...  ...a love I’ve felt before.  Such a crazy time to be alive. 10 months ago we were thanking god that we were here and now we dread the start of a new day. A day that is almost prison like with a routine that chips away at what was once our happiness.  I can’t say, “where life has taken us” because the truth is this IS NOT LIFE. This isn’t a decision made by our own free will. This is the road left with no choice. Where this illness has taken us is dark. I’m cold and have forgotten what your warmth feels like. What you taste like. What you smell like. What you sound like. Things don’t seem right.  Soon enough everything will feel like a dream, as if what happened was just my imagination running wild, where this sickness decided to just grab me by my heart rip it to shreds and say, “time to be exile...

Photo Credit: Ben Gaffigan. At the top of the volcano. Photo Credit: One of Tom's Teacher's. On our way up the volcano. Before we get into the details I thought it would be important to explain how I got in this situation. I thought it would be a good idea to spend quality time with my fellow PCVs because I had just gotten back from the US. Since I was really homesick I decided to go hiking for the 4th of July because why not? I climbed up a volcano called, “Gunung Gede" . (Don't worry fam the last time it erupted was in the 50s) When I started climbing this mountain, all I thought was, “shit this is harder than the hikes I did back in the US” and the longer we were hiking the more I questioned myself. It sounded a little like, “Brenda why the f* did you agree to this?” . However, the time spent with the volunteers was totally worth it. We talked about our homes in the US, ou...

                                             by: Brenda Lee Nieves My eyes open and the first thing I see is the tiny holes in my bug net. I wonder what type of insects are able to get through those holes while I sleep. I lean closer because I am so focused on this one tiny hole. I think there's a bug stuck. Did this little fucker try to invade my fortress while I slept? Smack Smack Smack.  Ibu's sandals hit the floor. I can hear her talking to our neighbors. Her voice is so much better than my phone alarm. Beep Beep Beep. "shit!" it's 6:30 I need to hurry! I get dressed faster than an Indonesian cat jumping away from people. (that's pretty fast) I walk into the dining room and there's Bu staring at me with her kind eyes. her:  Bawa Makan? me:  ya                      ...the only ...

The content of this website is mine alone and does not necessarily reflect the views of the U.S. Government, the Peace Corps, or the Indonesian Government. So I've been living in Indonesia for over 100 days....to be honest with you all, it feels like I just got here. I mean yes I learned the language and know a bit about the culture, but things still feel new to me. I was recently told by a PCV veteran that the feeling will go away (I can't wait) I’ve been living in my permanent site (Tasikmalaya, Karangjaya) for about a month now (I think)...I haven’t been counting. All I know is that I got here just a few days before Christmas. I was not looking forward to the holidays, but they were better than expected. This is in front of what would be called their town hall. It's absolutely beautiful. For Christmas, I went to Tasikmalaya City with a volunteer named Mahogoni. We had a Christmas Eve dinner and hung out in this huge mall. Since this country is predomi...

by: Brenda Lee Nieves Just like the night takes over the sky and the stars dance with the moon. The love I have travels through my body and finds it’s way to you. It tips toes on your soft lips and slides down your tongue. It grabs a hold of your heart and notices it’s half full. Then it jumps out through your hands that touch my thighs. just. right. not too low and not too high. As my legs shake it enters my body through our conversation that needs no words. It grabs a hold of my heart and throws it into my eyes. As you kiss me and open yours, our hearts join into one. The world is less cold. With. Each. Thrust. I feel closer to you. Your arms around me holding me tight. I can hear a rhythm in your breath. A rhythm I want to hear... over and over. It’s not the feeling of your physical body that entices me. It’s the love we have that only you and I can see. Even through this distance, you are the only person who holds my heart.

I decided to write this blog because if you didn’t notice already I am a college graduate! #Lit #Finally #FMLStudentloans Although this is indeed wonderful news there is something that isn’t talked about, so I thought it would be beneficial to address this wonderful thing called post-graduate depression. (Photos by @legaltrapmack) My thoughts: When I was told about post-graduate depression I definitely didn’t think it existed or that it would ever happen to me...but look at me now. This feeling felt like a ton of bricks and they came before graduation. I was worried about my personal relationship, friendships, and life decisions. I had thoughts like: is this the right decision, do I really want to go on this path in life, why did I come to college, and why am I not as excited to graduate college. There was even a moment where I cried because I couldn’t find socks in the morning ( don’t judge me ). It wasn’t until someone told me that they ask themselves these questions and...