Bren

Photo: Taken by Brenda Nieves   I look into the space and find myself jumping into memories. It feels like a dance I’ve danced before... ...a song I’ve heard before...  ...a love I’ve felt before.  Such a crazy time to be alive. 10 months ago we were thanking god that we were here and now we dread the start of a new day. A day that is almost prison like with a routine that chips away at what was once our happiness.  I can’t say, “where life has taken us” because the truth is this IS NOT LIFE. This isn’t a decision made by our own free will. This is the road left with no choice. Where this illness has taken us is dark. I’m cold and have forgotten what your warmth feels like. What you taste like. What you smell like. What you sound like. Things don’t seem right.  Soon enough everything will feel like a dream, as if what happened was just my imagination running wild, where this sickness decided to just grab me by my heart rip it to shreds and say, “time to be exile...

  Hello and welcome to my shit show of a life. When the COVID pandemic swept throughout the world in March my life was turned upside down. The content of this website is mine alone and does not necessarily reflect the views of the U.S. Government, the Peace Corps, or the Indonesian Government. Photo taken by Maddie. I had to guard everyone's bags in the airport while we waited for one of many planes we had to take back to the United States. There were days I sat down and stared at my computer screen trying to find a way to gather the words, courage, and the strength to write again. During those three months I realized I couldn’t do anything. I needed the time to process what had just happened. I was paralyzed, traumatized, and broken in ways that needed time to heal before I was able to write all of this shit down. Photo taken by my counterpart in Indonesia. My English Club was able to complete our world map project before I had to leave. For people who don’t know the full story, I...

Photo Credit: Ben Gaffigan. At the top of the volcano. Photo Credit: One of Tom's Teacher's. On our way up the volcano. Before we get into the details I thought it would be important to explain how I got in this situation. I thought it would be a good idea to spend quality time with my fellow PCVs because I had just gotten back from the US. Since I was really homesick I decided to go hiking for the 4th of July because why not? I climbed up a volcano called, “Gunung Gede" . (Don't worry fam the last time it erupted was in the 50s) When I started climbing this mountain, all I thought was, “shit this is harder than the hikes I did back in the US” and the longer we were hiking the more I questioned myself. It sounded a little like, “Brenda why the f* did you agree to this?” . However, the time spent with the volunteers was totally worth it. We talked about our homes in the US, ou...

The content of this website is mine alone and does not necessarily reflect the views of the U.S. Government, the Peace Corps, or the Indonesian Government. YAAAAAS - ya girl was able to go visit the United States three weeks. Although the time seemed long it went by so fast. Shit, ya girl is sitting in her home in Indonesia listening to the frogs while writing this. However, there are people who aren’t able to visit their family during service, so I tried not to take it for granted.  I was able to be at a family birthday party. The reason why I decided to upload this post was to help other volunteers who are planning on visiting the states. It can be difficult going home and I wanted people to know they're not alone. However, if you’re a family member of a PCV this post can help you understand where they might be in their minds when visiting the US. Before I left I started getting mixed feelings. I cried a little and for some reason, it felt like I was leaving ...

                                             by: Brenda Lee Nieves My eyes open and the first thing I see is the tiny holes in my bug net. I wonder what type of insects are able to get through those holes while I sleep. I lean closer because I am so focused on this one tiny hole. I think there's a bug stuck. Did this little fucker try to invade my fortress while I slept? Smack Smack Smack.  Ibu's sandals hit the floor. I can hear her talking to our neighbors. Her voice is so much better than my phone alarm. Beep Beep Beep. "shit!" it's 6:30 I need to hurry! I get dressed faster than an Indonesian cat jumping away from people. (that's pretty fast) I walk into the dining room and there's Bu staring at me with her kind eyes. her:  Bawa Makan? me:  ya                      ...the only ...

The content of this website is mine alone and does not necessarily reflect the views of the U.S. Government, the Peace Corps, or the Indonesian Government. So I've been living in Indonesia for over 100 days....to be honest with you all, it feels like I just got here. I mean yes I learned the language and know a bit about the culture, but things still feel new to me. I was recently told by a PCV veteran that the feeling will go away (I can't wait) I’ve been living in my permanent site (Tasikmalaya, Karangjaya) for about a month now (I think)...I haven’t been counting. All I know is that I got here just a few days before Christmas. I was not looking forward to the holidays, but they were better than expected. This is in front of what would be called their town hall. It's absolutely beautiful. For Christmas, I went to Tasikmalaya City with a volunteer named Mahogoni. We had a Christmas Eve dinner and hung out in this huge mall. Since this country is predomi...