Letting Go
By: Brenda Nieves
Before I get into the topic of letting go I thought it would be important to tell you why I was thinking about it so much. Soooooo, I got a, “big-girl-job” to teach English in Indonesia with the Peace Corps. This was literally the dream job I have always wanted. I feel so blessed to have the this-this opportunity. However, the thought of leaving my friends, family, and loved ones behind were lingering in my mind. I wasn’t sure how to approach this situation, so I literally had to think about what, “letting go” meant to me.
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The photo was taken by Damon Mackin @legaltrapmack
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Letting go was pretty hard for me. ***WARNING IT'S ABOUT TO GET DEEP***
I was in a relationship that was extremely toxic. I was cheated on and it took a toll on me. I tried to hold on to what I had and it made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, ugly, and worthless in every capacity. I wanted to let go, but I felt like if I did I would have to end many relationships around me. I felt like everyone would then blame me for the entire situation and I would feel guilty. So I waited until I was able to move far away to properly cut ties with my ex. Now I was able to search for my self-respect because that thing was nonexistent and I couldn’t go to another country without it (that was supposed to make y'all laugh. I know my jokes are terrible.)
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| This photo was clearly taken by my cousin. This was me being super anti-social |
.Before I knew it the summer came around and I had to make some decisions. Am I cutting all ties with people at home? How am I going to stay connected with family? Should I even date someone right now? This had me pretty vexed. I didn’t know if I should make the effort to create new relationships. This made me stay to myself and begin to shut people out. It wasn't until I was given this amazing job at a camp that surrounded me with wonderful people that I began to reconsider my decisions. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to open up, but I did it anyway.
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| Don't remember who took this, but it's a camp photo. |
The people I met during my time at camp reminded me how important it is to build relationships. They made an impact on my life and don’t even know it. I met people from around the world and different boroughs in New York City, who were chasing their dreams and enjoying the little moments with the people in front of them. That’s when I noticed that I didn’t have to completely end all relationships when I, “let go”. What I need to do is cherish the moments I have with the people around me and stop worrying about the, “what ifs”. After that, I no longer felt this gray cloud over me. The thought of me leaving was actually exciting because I knew I would continue to meet people like them who would leave me with lovely memories.
Here are some more camp photos!
This summer helped me find the true meaning of, “letting go” and it wasn’t ending all relationships. It didn't even involve people being upset with me. It meant letting go of all the frustration, stress, and anger so that I could prepare myself for this journey. So no, I did not end any genuine relationships. I only let go of the fears that were holding me back and replaced it with the confidence that I found this summer. An amazing person told me, “You take yourself for granted at points & you should always love yourself for you & all the benevolent attributes you bring to the world”, and it was those words that made me realize I need to believe in myself and respect myself enough to make decisions that would make me happy. I shouldn’t be afraid of these changes that are currently happening, especially letting go, all of this is a part of the process and it doesn’t mean that my love for others or communication with people needs to ends. What needs to end are these worries!
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| My graduation cap says it best. Off to the next chapter of my life! |
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